Trying to figure out the next step - April 2, 2012

I had chemo yesterday and I spoke to the oncologist while there. I told her I made an appointment with a different surgeon to get her opinion. She actually knows the surgeon, Liz Lee and said it was good to get another opinion. Right now she wants me to start the Red Devil chemo within the next two weeks, "the sooner the better" she said. I want to have Easter, End of the Year parties, informational meetings and more. We'll see though; I have a 9 a.m. appointment on Wed and we'll go from there. I gave blood yesterday morning for my monthly tests and I should know today whether or not I need the shot. I have an informational meeting on Thursday night and so I hope I don't have to have it, but it may be the case.

I am super sad about finances. We get a lot of collection calls from the hospitals and such and then  at oncology, the office manager asked for $1060! She said that's our part of the chemo that needs to be paid. I wish I was spending money on things I wanted to not things I have to. I know we all have those feelings at times, but I am so sick of this. When she told me, I just broke down and cried in my blue chemo chair. I called Mark and he said it will all be o.k. and that God will provide and I know he is right, but it just bites to have to deal with that along with figuring out even the next steps of treatment.

I got in touch with a place called Imerman Angels http://www.imermanangels.org/ and they are trying to hook me up with another woman that has had stage 3 her 2 positive breast cancer as a role model/ mentor through the process and I am excited about that possibility.

Also, the staff at the Moss Report is trying to find me an integrative oncologist in the area. It's kind of a joke in the chemo world amongst homeopathic and alternative doctors that even places like MD Anderson tout that they have integrative medicine, but really they just tell you to listen to music and do yoga. I have looked into a lot of this, and as cool as it sounds to a newbie on this educational journey, I'm not biting the carrot so they can get me in the door to do only harsh chemo under the guise that it’s integrative. Now, of course I may have to do the harsh chemo but I really want a doctor that knows something about diet, supplements and individualized treatment that doesn’t see that as the only way to treat cancer.

I had a pretty bad reaction to yesterday’s chemo. My legs and stomach hurt and I just felt bad all over. I walked to the bathroom from my TV watching bed and I moved like a 90 year old with the flu. My wonderful hubby and my friend Stacy took care of me and I love them so much for being there in my whininess and neediness. I took pain meds and anti nausea meds and even this morning I feel pretty yucky. About 20 minutes ago while checking e-mails, Hudson walked to the top of the stairs and called mama. Usually, I would run up the stairs to get him, but I had to coax him to come to me instead because my body still hurts.

I plan on taking it easy today. Hayden will have Mother’s Day out which will help and the kids have art classes that I will see if someone can drive them to that. I will take it easy because I know that if I don’t pace myself it’ll get worse. Most likely I’ll need my shot today too since it’s been 2 weeks and I am unsure of the next steps as far as treatment goes.

The care calendar is completely empty, which is o.k. I guess, especially since I don’t know exactly what is happening. Between doctor’s appointments Wed and Thurs. and the shot today maybe, I will be still going a lot and I’m just hoping that I’ll get better instead of the other way around. The shot usually makes things worse. Extras like looking for Easter clothes and planning for our activities that day and such just get nixed off the plans as I have to deal with cancer instead. House cleaning, schooling, getting Hannah’s passport and such are topping the scales as well. I just have to be o.k. with this all being part of the cancer gig and choose not to get upset when I can’t do absolutely everything I want to do. Seriously no one will care if we show up in our old clothes on Sunday and the kids will surely live without chocolate bunnies and such. I remind myself that this is only one year and that everything next year at this time will be better. I hate that my kids have to go through this with me and that mom is in the bed while they sit around the dinner table as a family, but I know God is in control and this is just a season.

BTW - as soon as I find out the next course of action, i'll of course post.
Thanks so much for your prayers and support

Karri