January 27, 2012 - 10 Reasons Why I Cried Today

It’s really long, but really good

I have been so emotional lately and I can’t stand it! For the most part I am pretty even emotionally. I am not usually the type of person to cry at a Hallmark card or Folgers’s coffee Christmas commercial unless I was pregnant with all the raging hormones. I have one friend that hardly ever wears mascara because she cries so much! I might have to start buying the waterproof kind now, because yesterday God rocked our world, through the amazing generous acts of his people so hard, that I seem to have lost it many times.
So this day’s blog is about, yes, how much I cried yesterday and the reasons why.

1. I started to cry, but stopped myself when I realized that my hair will most likely fall out this week. My scalp is tender to the touch, but as Mark pointed out so is everything on my body. I think this will be difficult.
2. I started to cry as I lead the morning assembly at my CC campus. We have prayer request time and I had enough time for three beautiful girls to come up to pray. They stated their prayer requests. Belle wanted her sister Elise to get over pneumonia, second Hope wanted to pay for me and my hair and that I could find a good wig and get better and third little Kyla (5 years old) prayed that her Grandma would feel better and that God would heal me. I was supposed to close the prayer, but I had to hid my face and try to compose myself after hearing their sweet little hearts poured out to a God that they know will hear and answer. My friend Jennifer saw what had happened and she closed for me. The prayers of those sweet little girls was just too much to bear.
3. I was talking to so many people this might not be in order. One woman, whom I have never had a face to face with, called me to say that she was a breast cancer survivor and she had a wig for me and was happy to talk or help if needed. Last week’s time to get a wig had its issues and so it just shocked me!, especially because this woman and I were not friends. I though God you are amazing and stopped myself again from crying. I don’t have her number, but someone is supposed to get it for me. I love it when God restores hurt or unstable relationships.
4. Stay with me here because it gets better yet. I went into a room and sat on the floor of one of my kids classrooms and a sweet friend of mine offered a large dollar amount to help with medical bills. At this point never finished talking to her, I started feeling myself want to cry and I got up because, emotionally I was already exhausted and I didn’t want to make a scene. I quickly left the room and actually didn’t speak to her the rest of the day. I hope she knows the reason now and forgives me. I am sure we will talk again soon. It was just too much to believe and take in.
5. I meet with two women at different times and had tears with each of them in private as I explained my plans and hopes for next year. I am trying to pass the director position on. I started this community while I was pregnant with Hayden who just turned 5, and so it’s very near and dear to me and so those conversations were emotional and needed Kleenex.
6. I was getting tired at the end of the school day and our nursery worker, Ella went and changed my son’s dirty diaper even when classes were over and he was now my responsibility, because I was in pain. It is very humbling when you need help doing something that you are used to doing all the time. Yet another time I had to pull myself together.
7. At the end of the school day I finally met up with a woman named Jesse and she told me that her pastor husband got Hayden in a spot at the nearest MDO down the road. This was a huge deal because not only were they getting him in, but the church, Kingsland Baptist was footing the entire bill! I really lost it, as this same church helped us out with tuition for a few months last year when Mark wasn’t getting regular paychecks. Chasing the little boys around and keeping up with the school work is not an easy task even without cancer and so this is huge! On top of that, she said she would pick him up and take him and then drop him off at the end of the day each Tue. and Thur. and more … She even said she would take Hudson to her home to watch him, especially on Thursdays, as that is when I am spent from chemo on Wed. We haven’t figured it all out, but how amazing! I asked my Bella to get me more Kleenex and I must have hugged this woman 3 – 4 times during our conversation.
8. You think surely I must be done right that is just so much but it gets crazier! We get in the car and are driving home, (we are having 3 kids spend the night here and 2 kids go to other homes and so there’s all the figuring out of things) and Hannah reads a text that comes in and it’s my friend Lisa saying that at 2:00 on Saturday a crew of 3 women will be cleaning my house from top to bottom, linens and all and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I was driving and I just kept saying – Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness and so Hannah typed that back!
9. At around 5:00, I am home am telling my friend Kathy, who came over for as visit, all about everything, and Mark walks in the door saying “You’ll never guess what? I spoke to Tommy” I interrupted him (that’s Lisa’s husband) and so I said “I already know, they are having cleaning at the house tomorrow!” and he said “No, they want to help us out with our home safety issues!” I had once told Lisa that the pool and street are scary, and we never had taken care of the things we needed to allow the kids to just play outside without supervision. We have lived here 3 and ½ years and I can’t let the little guys ride on the concrete with their bikes without me out with them and I can’t let them go in the backyard because of the pool. He said that their Sunday school or church or both I ‘m not sure really want to help. I am stunned at this point and can hardly breathe.
10. The thing is there have already been cards, meals, and other sweet gifts. Plus my friend Monica Hodges said, she would home school Hope and Harrison on Monday’s and Wednesdays. She has a 10 year old and so it works good for her, but she is even willing to pick up and drop them off each day! What a blessing!

I am in absolute awe about all of this. Last night, my friend Jennifer dropped off Bella’s clothes last night as she’s one of the sleepover kids and she was told too. Jenn’s a pretty wise cookie, and she said that (after having had lived through one entire year of her husband being unemployed and living off the generosity of others and many amazing blessings from the Lord), you learn to take it and accept it all as the Lord’s provision and that each time you say Thank you that you get better at humility. Humility isn’t a major word in our lives in fact we have arrogance and boastfulness on a regular basis and now for this year plus I see that taking over our lives. I am sure that the Lord will work many things out and teach us many things. I Thank God for all of these blessings and others that he has given me and my family.

I plan to write later tonight about our day.

Much Love and an abundance of appreciation for the many prayers and blessings you have poured out to us.
Karri