It’s really long, but really good
I have been so
emotional lately and I can’t stand it! For the most part I am pretty even
emotionally. I am not usually the type of person to cry at a Hallmark card or
Folgers’s coffee Christmas commercial unless I was pregnant with all the raging
hormones. I have one friend that hardly ever wears mascara because she cries so
much! I might have to start buying the waterproof kind now, because yesterday
God rocked our world, through the amazing generous acts of his people so hard,
that I seem to have lost it many times.
So this day’s blog is about, yes, how
much I cried yesterday and the reasons why.
1. I started to cry, but
stopped myself when I realized that my hair will most likely fall out this
week. My scalp is tender to the touch, but as Mark pointed out so is everything
on my body. I think this will be difficult.
2. I started to cry as I lead
the morning assembly at my CC campus. We have prayer request time and I had
enough time for three beautiful girls to come up to pray. They stated their
prayer requests. Belle wanted her sister Elise to get over pneumonia, second
Hope wanted to pay for me and my hair and that I could find a good wig and get
better and third little Kyla (5 years old) prayed that her Grandma would feel
better and that God would heal me. I was supposed to close the prayer, but I had
to hid my face and try to compose myself after hearing their sweet little hearts
poured out to a God that they know will hear and answer. My friend Jennifer saw
what had happened and she closed for me. The prayers of those sweet little girls
was just too much to bear.
3. I was talking to so many people this might
not be in order. One woman, whom I have never had a face to face with, called me
to say that she was a breast cancer survivor and she had a wig for me and was
happy to talk or help if needed. Last week’s time to get a wig had its issues
and so it just shocked me!, especially because this woman and I were not
friends. I though God you are amazing and stopped myself again from crying. I
don’t have her number, but someone is supposed to get it for me. I love it when
God restores hurt or unstable relationships.
4. Stay with me here because
it gets better yet. I went into a room and sat on the floor of one of my kids
classrooms and a sweet friend of mine offered a large dollar amount to help with
medical bills. At this point never finished talking to her, I started feeling
myself want to cry and I got up because, emotionally I was already exhausted and
I didn’t want to make a scene. I quickly left the room and actually didn’t speak
to her the rest of the day. I hope she knows the reason now and forgives me. I
am sure we will talk again soon. It was just too much to believe and take
5. I meet with two women at different times and had tears with each
of them in private as I explained my plans and hopes for next year. I am trying
to pass the director position on. I started this community while I was pregnant
with Hayden who just turned 5, and so it’s very near and dear to me and so those
conversations were emotional and needed Kleenex.
6. I was getting tired
at the end of the school day and our nursery worker, Ella went and changed my
son’s dirty diaper even when classes were over and he was now my responsibility,
because I was in pain. It is very humbling when you need help doing something
that you are used to doing all the time. Yet another time I had to pull myself
7. At the end of the school day I finally met up with a woman
named Jesse and she told me that her pastor husband got Hayden in a spot at the
nearest MDO down the road. This was a huge deal because not only were they
getting him in, but the church, Kingsland Baptist was footing the entire bill! I
really lost it, as this same church helped us out with tuition for a few months
last year when Mark wasn’t getting regular paychecks. Chasing the little boys
around and keeping up with the school work is not an easy task even without
cancer and so this is huge! On top of that, she said she would pick him up and
take him and then drop him off at the end of the day each Tue. and Thur. and
more … She even said she would take Hudson to her home to watch him, especially
on Thursdays, as that is when I am spent from chemo on Wed. We haven’t figured
it all out, but how amazing! I asked my Bella to get me more Kleenex and I must
have hugged this woman 3 – 4 times during our conversation.
8. You think
surely I must be done right that is just so much but it gets crazier! We get in
the car and are driving home, (we are having 3 kids spend the night here and 2
kids go to other homes and so there’s all the figuring out of things) and Hannah
reads a text that comes in and it’s my friend Lisa saying that at 2:00 on
Saturday a crew of 3 women will be cleaning my house from top to bottom, linens
and all and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I was driving and I just kept
saying – Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness and so Hannah typed that back!
At around 5:00, I am home am telling my friend Kathy, who came over for as
visit, all about everything, and Mark walks in the door saying “You’ll never
guess what? I spoke to Tommy” I interrupted him (that’s Lisa’s husband) and so I
said “I already know, they are having cleaning at the house tomorrow!” and he
said “No, they want to help us out with our home safety issues!” I had once told
Lisa that the pool and street are scary, and we never had taken care of the
things we needed to allow the kids to just play outside without supervision. We
have lived here 3 and ½ years and I can’t let the little guys ride on the
concrete with their bikes without me out with them and I can’t let them go in
the backyard because of the pool. He said that their Sunday school or church or
both I ‘m not sure really want to help. I am stunned at this point and can
10. The thing is there have already
been cards, meals, and other sweet gifts. Plus my friend Monica Hodges said,
she would home school Hope and Harrison on Monday’s and Wednesdays. She has a 10
year old and so it works good for her, but she is even willing to pick up and
drop them off each day! What a blessing!
I am in absolute awe about all
of this. Last night, my friend Jennifer dropped off Bella’s clothes last night
as she’s one of the sleepover kids and she was told too. Jenn’s a pretty wise
cookie, and she said that (after having had lived through one entire year of her
husband being unemployed and living off the generosity of others and many
amazing blessings from the Lord), you learn to take it and accept it all as the
Lord’s provision and that each time you say Thank you that you get better at
humility. Humility isn’t a major word in our lives in fact we have arrogance and
boastfulness on a regular basis and now for this year plus I see that taking
over our lives. I am sure that the Lord will work many things out and teach us
many things. I Thank God for all of these blessings and others that he has given
me and my family.
I plan to write later tonight about our
Much Love and an abundance of appreciation for the many prayers and
blessings you have poured out to us.
I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Her2 positive breast cancer Dec. 27th, 2011. I had three large tumors in my left breast, I also had two positive lymph nodes and so with 5 positive biopsies I started my journey. In the beginning, it was a whirlwind and within a week, I was getting a port and preparing for chemo and the rush to save my life was on. Eight months later (August 20th) after stopping chemo (12 sessions) and not having surgery (a suggested double mastectomy) or radiation like my doctors wanted me to, I sat at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Illinois and heard the results of a mammogram, MRI, Pet Scan and blood tests were that they could find no cancer in my body. The nurses and doctors were baffled and no one could explain how I could have had this terrible cancer and it was now gone, except for me. I said the Lord healed me through prayers, education, diet and supplements. I started this blog when I was first diagnosed, it is not just about on cancer, but my life and day-to-day thoughts and activities. There are suggested websites, blogs, videos and more here that I believe can benefit those dealing with cancer and those who want to be preventative. My hope is that you and yours will learn, be encouraged and healed. My family prays every night for those with cancer and that you will be not only be healed but that you will live long and happy lives.
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Love and Blessings on your journey.
Love and Blessings on your journey.