I Will Survive - April 21, 2012

Okay, so here I am finally getting back to the blog to update everyone. I have been so busy this week! I can’t say enough to thank everyone for all your sweet comments, phone calls, hugs, cards, etc. that I have received since my last big post about the tumors shrinking so significantly. I am so blessed. I was in the car the day after the news and a song came on the radio that at this point I want to play for you all. The chorus in the song, I sang as if singing to cancer itself. Highlighted below are some of the lyrics that I love how this song took on a whole new meaning to me and as I sang it, I felt freedom to go on and live and survive.

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could (would) never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I

I will survive
oh as long as i know how to love
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive (hey hey)

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Now back to the story, since you are probably wondering exactly what going on. Thursday morning, Mark and I drove to Dr. Hopkins office and we had a great visit there as usual. Mark watched and listened as he was immersed into this new lingo and interesting way of thinking and doing. Dr. Hopkins thinks I am doing so good, that he said we are getting close to moving to the next phase of things. I’ll be getting tested for allergies on the next visit and within 2 – 4 weeks I can change my diet and start going through some detoxifying treatments. I am super excited about that! I had my foot bath/iontophoresis and that always makes me feel better. I have still been having sleeping (lack of) issues and so I had the cold laser light therapy as usual, and man did it work on the sleep setting. I never sleep in the car (when someone else is driving of course) and I was instantly exhausted when we hit the road that I slept so soundly that Mark said I snored and I know I even drooled, which is not like me at all! Ha ha ha – always, so honest.


Anyways, Mark and I have talked a bit here and there and we are going forward with holistic treatment for now. I can’t believe it because we were so close to chemo and surgery and I don’t know the future and of course you never know, but as for now we are going to try our best to prevent that. At Dr. Hopkins, Judy one of the women that works there (that I absolutely love) was telling me the story of a woman that was stage 4 and given just 4 months to live. The woman resigned herself that she was going to die but she wanted a good quality of life and was going to try to extend her life by even weeks if she could. So she went home, changed her diet, and her lifestyle choices and now 6 years later she is cancer free. It’s stories like that, that I hear every time I am there, sometimes straight from the patient’s own mouth that have given me more confidence to go forward with allowing God to heal my body, before trusting man and myself with that. I’ll tell you though it really has been Mark on board with all this that really sealed the deal.

Thursday afternoon, I was in a T- Mobil store and Dr. Noqui (the oncologist) called me, saying said she wanted to go over my ultrasound results. I told her the radiologist had told me they couldn't find anything and that the test was “unremarkable." Dr. Noqui then went on to give me some stats which I didn’t write down, but things like .2 X.4 X .7 and I think that is millimeters! And so, I am not thinking or worrying too much about it. I told her our plans and she said that she’d talk to me when I called her again and I said “Why would I call you again?”and she said “Oh sweetie, people always call me back.” in a patronizing tone as if I was too stupid to know what I am doing. She continued, stating basically that she didn’t think it would work and she used a lot of fear factor words like “aggressive”, “statistics say” and “reoccurrence chances”, etc. At this point I have decided to start praying for her as I don’t think she is a Christian and I know that without God the world must always seem a bit scary and I can’t even imagine what my life would be if I didn’t have God to rely on instead of myself and man. We have been praying every day and night as usual for my cancer and those around us that we have met and know with this condition (which I will not call disease) that affects them and their health, mentally physically and spiritually. I feel peace in our decisions and I am going to work the best I can, doing what I believe the Lord wants me to do. God doesn’t care a lick about statistics, and labels like aggressive. My God is a mighty God and one that doesn’t get scared ever!

Verse of the day:  the Lord is my Light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is my strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1

I have to go and run now as I am talking the girls out for breakfast and then up to the church so they can go with Adventure Sports Ministry to Galveston for the day.

I’ll come back and post our plans within the next couple days. And if you were praying for me in the past this doesn’t mean we need it any less now, in fact, we need it more than ever.

Love and Blessings,

Karri