Heck, there are people that think I should be friends with this person or that person, stay with this program or that, and a few even wonder why we go to the church we do, as it’s not where all the “cool” people with the many special programs go. People will always have their opinions and beliefs about you and your decisions and that’s totally fine and I accept it, because I am full of opinions too.
I remember being in a store and being pregnant with Harrison and having the girls with me and someone saying “Wow, four kids!?” Like some complete stranger should take away the blessing of my having my children with their own insecurities and doubts? I remember telling friends and family that we were homeschooling and getting all the usual negative comments. It’s been 10 years now and it was a prayerful and Spirit- lead decision that we have never regretted. I could go on and on about how someone thought a decision we made was the wrong thing to do and it was without a doubt, right for our family.
I believe that the majority of the judgments people make in life, come from three places, ignorance, fear, and lack of faith and trust in the Lord. Corinthians 1:10 - Now I beseech you, brethren, through the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfected together in the same mind and in the same judgment. The longer I live, the more I realize just how divided in society and even in the church we are with our thinking. Now don’t get me wrong, sure there are some people out there that use the Bible and the Holy Spirit as their guides for judging and that is what we are actually called to do – judge, but we are also asked to judge ourselves first. I think most people I meet, judge based on their own human thoughts, desires and it’s usually sprinkled it with a bit of Satan’s influence in our lives. It’s sad, but true.
I am a risk taker and visionary; I always have been and plan to continue to be. I am willing to do things that other people wouldn’t and it has absolutely nothing to do with proving someone wrong, but fulfilling my life the best I can in order to do the work and will of my Father. I am willing to jump even if I don’t know what it is going to look like or how scary it may be, because God is always trustworthy. Even as a kid, I remember jumping into cold, dark creek waters and trusting that I wouldn’t hit the rocks. I jumped from bridges and trees and rope swings and had a blast. I love the roller coaster and fast and free falling rides at the amusement parks. I am willing to bungee jump or even jump from a plane. I am not being stupid, just adventurous and having faith that God will take care of me.
Now, I wouldn’t ride a motorcycle without a helmet or drive without a safety belt because they have been proven without any doubt to save people’s lives and I think that’s just stupid not to do what you know without a shadow of a doubt will prevent your death. So here’s the difference in my mind. If it can hurt or kill you and you know it can, then perhaps you really need to consider not doing altogether or prepare the best you can to stay safe and alive as you go do whatever it is. When it came to chemo this is where I am. I could find nothing in the Bible to tell me to do it, I waited on the Lord and heard nothing, I prayed for direction and still waited, and then I knew I was supposed to listen to my husband. So within days of submitting in my mind to this idea, I was given clear direction. Mark said we should try doing what the Bible did tell us to do and what the Holy Spirit was leading us to do at this time. We don’t know the future, but we do know that we are open to changing this course of action if the Lord leads us to. We are still taking everything step by step and trusting the Lord with all the future treatment of my cancer.
Am I scared or worried in going forward? Nope. I am not scared of death or even of screwing this up, as I know without a shadow of a doubt, that what we are doing is part of the journey of my life. God knew I would be here even typing this and so this is just a part of the path that God has created for me and my family.
Mark and I try to support, encourage and pray with and for each other. I am abundantly blessed that he is with me through whatever may come. We both come from dysfunctional divorced families and many didn’t even think we’d still be married this long (since 96)! We will no doubt, ever be perfect as we are sinners through and through, but we are saved by the grace and love by the creator of the world and maker of the universe and so I’d say we are sitting pretty no matter what happens in life.
So now it’s my plan to educate you on what I know about chemo and its effects on the body, my type of cancer which is very different from the majority, our plans for action as of today and my needs/wants as we go forward. I once again have a busy day and so I’ll try to get to that soon.
I’ll leave you will another blog themed song for the day. it's a pretty bad 80's song, but it's fun to look back.
Step by Step - The new kids on the block