January 31, 2012 - Random Thoughts

Life has been very fast lately. It has been 1 month and 5 days since the very start of all of this and today will be my 4th chemo treatment and you can see how quick that all is. Here are some very random thoughts as I try to squeeze much in, in a very short period of time.

1. I am trying to meet with non- MD’s in order to figure out more options or additional treatments. I feel like in 100 years from now they will look back on chemo and consider it barbaric similar to how they now view the radial mastectomies from 40 years ago. It really goes against the Hippocratic oath all together, that they will not harm the patient. It seems ridiculous to me that half the drugs I am taking have side notes with many horrible current side effects and that some of the long side term effects are cancer in other places in my body. Come on where is the logic in that? My friend Beth has hooked me up with a husband/ wife team that specialize in all kinds of stuff, that have had much success and so I am hopeful for possibilities with them. Please pray for this.

2. Every part of my life has been changed since receiving this diagnosis, but the biggest is food and energy right now. I really have no appetitive whatsoever and things I used to love to eat I could care less about. Last night Mark made a cacciatore chicken dish and Holly said “Oh it’s horrible, you wouldn’t like it.” as she stuffed her face and everyone was obviously loving it. It was sweet, but of course I called her out. No biggie, I said I don’t want it. I have lost 7 – 8 lbs. the other night a friend hid to eat her chocolate cake not wanting to upset me that couldn’t but I can’t eat it and if I tried I would probably be sick and so over the month I have really struggled with my digestive issues and I am really hoping I can eat something without being sick soon. Currently small smoothies from Panera, Smoothie King, etc. are my favorite. The green smoothies that I was trying, my doctor asked me to get off for a while since I was getting so dehydrated. I’m sure it will all work out , but I’d love prayers for this too.

3. I suggest that everyone go today and throw away their deodorants and anti – perspirants today! Both MD’s and the other holistic doctors agree on this point. The lymph nodes carry away all your body’s toxins out through your sweat especially in your arm – pits and when you stop up the process you retain these toxins, which they think can cause cancer or other problems. I have switched to a brand called Jason’s. Beth even when out and bought some of my other family members the same brand – so sweet. You need to reapply it sometimes if you are going out and plan to sweat, but it is all organic and natural products. There is also a brand called Tom’s but most people that I know agree that’s not as good.

4. I am still trying to take in all the blessings, and in fact I hyperventilated for the first time in my life the other day, because I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe; after I found out about something amazing someone wanted to do for me. The Lord is too good for words sometimes and I really struggle to believe it all at times. Yesterday, I had 6 families in and out of my house, which everyone we know completely understands that is pretty common for the Fieglein home. We watch other’s kids, send kids with others, host meetings, classes and more in our home and I am always happy to. Anyways, it is wonderful to have such a support system and so many friends willing to help out with so many things. I appreciate them and the Lord’s goodness to such an undeserving bunch. It’s still very difficult for me to accept, but I am working in that area.

5. I have chemo today and for about 2 – 3 hours of the time each week, I have a close friend come up and visit and talk. It’s God’s provision for time, especially set aside for my relationships. I have had 3 visitors so far and I feel like one per day is all I can do, because I get tired – they give me 7 drugs which make me that way. I love my friends encouragement and I am now asking for jokes and funny stories each time, as heck, who couldn’t use a laugh, especially during something that is so serious. Today, I feel that I will be losing my hair during chemo itself. It usually happens with my cocktail between weeks 3 and 4 and today is #4. Last night I took a shower as I was scared to all day too, as I was concerned that it might fall out too fast and I still have no wig. My insurance doesn’t cover it. UGH! Anyways, I am seriously thinking that if I have the strength, I’ll get my family to give me a Mohawk tonight, as it would only be for a day or two anyway. Opportunities like this don’t come around too often and I feel I must try to take it. I considered coloring it blue too, but then I am afraid I’d have a bald head with a blue streak down the middle – too funny! LOL What an image! If I can do it I’d love to go to CC on Friday and freak out the children and also my Mom is coming in on Friday too. We’ll see, things don’t always go accordingly to my plan. Please pray that this isn’t too traumatic for me and that I’m o.k.

That’s it for now. I probably won’t write again till Saturday or Sunday, since I’ll be tired.
I love you and appreciate you and you’re your prayers.
Blessings
Karri