Well, I got some pretty bad news today at chemo. The doctor said that my WBC (white blood count) has dropped into the critical phase (2.7) as I skipped a shot called Nupregen (not sure on the spelling) this last week. I feel like I was playing a game of poker and lost the hand. The doctors has given me the green light to skip the shot since it caused a lot of pain in my bones and I was sick for a whole 7 days afterwards. I am an awesome negotiator. I hated it and I wanted to forgo it , but now tomorrow I will have to go back and get the shot at 12:00 and then on top of that they want me to come in on Friday at 10:00 for a second shot this week. They said that they will give me a heavy drug for pain ( it’s right under morphine) and so I will have to miss school on Friday and basically will be in bed trying to get my body to heal and recover and get better for the next 3 plus days. I expect lots of pain as just one shot was awful. I am VERY disappointed and occasionally frustrated with the situation, but I’ll be o.k. God is Good. Although I will have to say that I am not always happy with all of his plans for my life.
My friend Bobbie came up to chemo
with me and then afterwards I stayed at her house the rest of the day until my
hubby picked me up after our family went to church. It’s now 9:30 and I am very
tired and ready to go to bed. I am very grateful for all of my many blessing in
spite of this yucky news. I have wonderful friends and family, a cute,
hardworking hubby, beautiful kids and every day is a new day. However, I feel
like I have disappointed everyone with my getting sick. It’s an issue that I am
upset about. People say don’t worry and such, but it still just bothers me.
Whether you are late to an event because there was a car wreck or because of
poor time management , you are still late; the reasons are unimportant. I am
here whether I choose it or not. I know I can’t be at CC on Friday with my
director cap on and I hate that fact. I know that I will be in bed or on the
couch for days and I will be too sore and weak to pick up my young kids and I
hate that fact. I know that I will have to be dependent on many people for
everything from child care and transportation to helping with the house work and
homeschooling and I hate that fact.
I wish this was all just a bad dream and
that I could wake up quickly and everything would be like it was. I want to be
where there are no more hospital visits, lab work, chemo, and shots resulting in
stress and coordinating and working on fine logistics everyday about ever every
hour. I wish there was no more worry, pain and frustration or bad news. I wish
Jesus would just come back at times. I know I am ranting but heck I have had
quite a month and it’s been a long day.
The last big things to say
quickly before bed.
1. A sweet family is having cleaning crew come in
every other week and clean our home from top to bottom and I already had the
first cleaning and it was amazing!
2. An old art teacher of the kids from
PREP, called to say she has a litter of kittens and so maybe we will get one. –
Exciting – I’ll call tomorrow hopefully.
3. I have an emergency call in
with another doctor who is reviewing my medical information and he is supposed
to call me in the morning. I am very hopeful that I can find something else out
that works for me along this journey.
4. My wonderful friends that are
helping to educate me more about food, diet, blood types foods that are best,
etc. I am learning a lot!
5. Many people have been so generous with their
time, I have had 2 mother’s helpers so far and yesterday one even cleaned out
our refrigerator! I don’t know how I could do this without the help. I am loving
the meals, well not really since I’m not eating them, but my family is
definitely loving them and it makes my life so much easier. Thanks so much
everyone that has done or has signed up to do something for our undeserving
family. You are blessings!
6. People have given me wigs, scarves and
hats! I haven’t lost my hair yet and so I haven’t decided on what I’ll do – it’s
emotional and I am still processing it all. Today I went the whole day with a
cap and a scarf tied around it. I was afraid to itch or touch it too much but
tonight I brushed it and there is a lot there still. I am hoping this will all
be resolved within the next week or so.
Love you and I really would
appreciate you praying for me and my health especially in the next few
I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Her2 positive breast cancer Dec. 27th, 2011. I had three large tumors in my left breast, I also had two positive lymph nodes and so with 5 positive biopsies I started my journey. In the beginning, it was a whirlwind and within a week, I was getting a port and preparing for chemo and the rush to save my life was on. Eight months later (August 20th) after stopping chemo (12 sessions) and not having surgery (a suggested double mastectomy) or radiation like my doctors wanted me to, I sat at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Illinois and heard the results of a mammogram, MRI, Pet Scan and blood tests were that they could find no cancer in my body. The nurses and doctors were baffled and no one could explain how I could have had this terrible cancer and it was now gone, except for me. I said the Lord healed me through prayers, education, diet and supplements. I started this blog when I was first diagnosed, it is not just about on cancer, but my life and day-to-day thoughts and activities. There are suggested websites, blogs, videos and more here that I believe can benefit those dealing with cancer and those who want to be preventative. My hope is that you and yours will learn, be encouraged and healed. My family prays every night for those with cancer and that you will be not only be healed but that you will live long and happy lives.
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Love and Blessings on your journey.
Love and Blessings on your journey.