When you get a new car, haircut, or get pregnant you notice others similar to your situation. I think it’s funny how we just pay more attention to those things that are close to us and matter in our lives. It’s not like the second that you get pregnant, so does everyone else, it’s you just are more aware of your surroundings and you often frequent the same type of places; for example when you are pregnant you go to the doctor and stores like Babies Are Us. I remember going to many more weddings and baby showers when I was in my mid 20’s – mid 30’s and now it’s tapered off. We go through life with those that have similarities, life choices and values that we do. Weather it’ the same job, area of town we live in , the sports that our kids are in, the church we choose, the educational decisions we make or even the places we frequent - we are with others that tend to be like us.
Cancer is a bit different, in that the demographics of it are so wide and varied. No one picks cancer, it picks you. It doesn’t care if you are a newborn girl or a very old man. It doesn’t care of you are healthy as a horse or are very obese and out of shape and the comparisons could go on. Of course you could say that those that choose to smoke choose it, but I seriously think those people are either ignorant and think it won’t happen to them or they just don’t care. Either way, my thinking on the matter is this; cancer seems much more lonely and difficult for that matter. I guess the only place that you meet up with those going through cancer is the oncologist office and support groups if you do that. I never had any issue going out of the house without hair but I know many don’t feel comfortable going out and they become even more secluded and lonely. I don't have anyone sharing my expereince, but this blog to talk to about cancer in the fact that I know others out there with cancer read this blog, but I do wish it was more of a communictaion and not just a one sided story from me.
Each life is different and those connections, life choices and values provide relationship and growth. I have had two friends lose relatives to cancer within the last month. It’s difficult to hear these stories of the battles lost. Not for me just because I have had cancer, but because they are your friends and nobody likes to hear the sorrow and loss in a grieving voice and feel their pain and suffering. I was happy that even though I didn't know their loved ones, that they felt comfortable talking to me about their situation more so because I have gone through a bit of what their loved ones have. I am thankful for God's providencial connections.
Holly and I went to see the movie Safe Haven last weekend and it was a really difficult movie for me to watch. I really can’t say too much because I don’t want to give it away, but let’s just say it hit home in many ways. After the movie, I went back to my thinking about cancer and what that could mean for my family and loved ones if I died earlier than I hoped for. Once you have cancer you never know when it could sneak up and while I am not planning on it, I am a realist and understand the chances are greater for me to get cancer again, get sick and leave this earth are high. I said that to a friend the other day over the phone and she started praying for me and in the name of Jesus rebuking even the thought.
But just like those things that give you connection to others there are a lot of connections in the world that I find with my cancer. The thoughts come back to me because of a movie in which someone has cancer, a commercial for the center I visited shows up on TV, stories of others that have friends or family with cancer, a pain that comes sneaking up repeatedly, or even driving by the hospitals. I can’t ever completely get away from the cancer monkey on my back. It’s not that I sit around all day thinking about it, but it’s there. I have a headache for the third time this week. It may because I have been working a lot, not eating enough or whatever, but there’s also that crazy thought that cancer could have spread. I shut it up quickly and say a prayer asking that the Lord will grant me grace and mercy and that I will stay cancer free.
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