I received a call from my primary family doctor the other day. Quite out of the blue my biopsy reports from last January ended up on her desk. Dr. Cindy Anthis is a Christian and we have socialized outside of the office as we have had a common friend and so when she saw the reports she took it as a sign to call me up and see how I’m doing. She said things don’t always just happen by accident, to which I agree.
Anyways, she asked if I had gone back to get checked out for cancer growth. Some doctors say every 2 months and others say you can wait every 3, either way it’s been about 4 and I haven’t figured out exactly what I am doing yet. For the most part in life, I can do and try new things because I trust God and his direction for me even if I don’t always like His suggestions and direction plans. I feel completely confident in saying that I can really tune into the Holy Spirit at times and know without a shadow of a doubt I am supposed to be doing something or not. Usually it is an unrelenting push to do something or to back away from something. I told Cindy over the phone that I was trusting the Lord and I didn’t feel the need to question Him on this fact that I am currently healed. She said perhaps her phone call should be a wakeup call to get checked out at she gave me a phone number of an oncologist in the Memorial area. Perhaps she is right, but I still don’t feel the Holy Spirit’s push in a big way to rush to the phone and make an appointment today. Maybe tomorrow, we’ll see.
I am praying about what to do and quite honestly when to do it. Life has been great over the Thanksgiving week break as I have had a chance to read, drink a glass of wine here and there, eat yummy foods, jump on Pinterest, visit with friends, and cuddle even more with the kids. I have also been cleaning, organizing and planning for things. Now it’s early Monday morning and we are back to the fast paced life again with school, sports, meetings, work, etc. I guess I get so busy with living life that I don’t want to stop and think about things that could eventually mean my death.
Once you are diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and find out all the information you realize that the cancer could always come back and so it’s like a gray cloud from a cartoon walking around with you or a subtle tap on the back to have you look over your shoulder. I try to not think about it and rest and live in today and all its worries. (“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34)
I have counseled many women in trusting God especially when it comes to homeschooling their children. I say “They are His children and He loves them even more than you do.” I tell them that If He wants something for His children He will do it with or without them as parents. God doesn’t need us, He wants us. He is completly capable to do whatever without us. It is hilarious to me that some people feel that He needs us to do this and that. The fact is that He desires us to do certain things, and His Holy Spirit can lead us, but He needs for nothing and He is sovereign with or without your help. I usually go on to give examples of my life and homeschooling where God has taken care of issues, concerns, needs without me and sometimes without me even being aware until later.
I know it sounds crazy and some can’t even believe my blog title, but I am thankful for this opportunity of cancer to look death right in the face. Now I am able to say that if God does allow the cancer to come back and my early death that I am fine with it as long as its part of His master plan and it somehow brings Him glory. I can be smart and eat healthy and exercise and be preventative till the cows come home, but the fact is even with all that the cancer still could come back and if it does I can be sad but I can’t be angry because it will be a part of God’s plan for me. I trust Him completely whether it be leading me to Mark as my husband, having many children, homeschooling, starting programs, being at our church, having and losing friends, etc. This is a really great place in life to be and I hope and pray that if any of the readers today have cancer that you to can get to this point of understanding and trust too.
When you sit in a chair, you don’t get up every few minutes to check and see if it’s still supporting you. The same is true with God. Whether you see, believe or feel the support it’s still there. We were studying Niagara falls recently and found that millions of gallons of water rocket over Niagara Falls every minute – about 750,000 gallons each second! That’s so much water! I can’t even comprehend it, but I’d love to see it someday. The water cycle with this is amazing! You don’t see the water evaporate in the same way you see it fall from the cliffs. You just see just fog in the morning over the lakes that the water goes into, but it is quite calm and subtle. I think it’s so cool how even without us really seeing it, small droplets are going back up into the sky to come back down again and again. What an awesome God is that to be so creative and show His power through the waterfalls and His calmness with the lakes and fog. He is here today and tomorrow and always in big powerful ways and quite subtle ways and sometimes without our even knowing.
Anyways, I will eventually decided what I am doing and figure out the direction the Lord is leading and I’ll let ya know. As always, please continue praying for me and my health along with all those others that have cancer as part of their life stories now too.