I met Kim and saw her Strength - Feb 24, 2012

Here it is 3:10 in the morning again and I am up. I hate that I am not able to sleep the whole night through and that actually I have been talking sleeping aids for 2 plus years now since the issue with a bladder/ hysterectomy was done and I wake to pee. There’s that, and my annoying cat, Marmalade who decides to meows until I get up and let him outside. Anyways I thought I’d write a bit on where I am and what has happened.

Yesterday was a bit of an emotional and thinking (about cancer) day for me. I went up to visit Kim and here’s part of the providence part. On Tuesday when I received the e-mail from Kim, I thought Mark had just got it and forwarded it to me, I didn’t check the original date and time. He gets the e-mails from the care calendar he gets and then passes on to me. What really happened is that Mark must have missed it or been to busy to check and send it at the original time a few weeks prior to me getting it. The crazy thing is that if he had got, and sent it immediately I wouldn’t have got it at chemo, where I was in this place of what do I do - stay with chemo or try to go completely holistic. God knew even that little detail.  

So I went up to meet Kim, her friend Cheryl and her husband Todd. Yes, it is a weird feeling going into an intensive care unit to meet someone for the first time. Kim looked beautiful and much better than I had thought she'd be. That’s when we figured out the timeline and missing e-mail issue. She had actually had the surgery on Monday morning and had 4 days in ICU and was getting ready to go to a regular room. So I was able to see her 4 days after her surgery and that was wonderful for me. We talked, me mostly, as she was still in pain and on heavy meds and so I didn’t want to question her too much and I guess I must have needed to talk to someone about where I was with things. Hearing that she has the same doctors and the same surgery and has done all the chemo even the really bad one that I am supposed to next, was amazing to me. I was overwhelmed by what she has gone through and her strength.  I felt sorry for her and that she had to go through so much. It made me sad.

It was an important meeting for me, as far as health decisons are concerned because I found out that this woman and her entire family had been doing the holistic things I am doing now for 2 years before she got cancer and that scared me a bit. Her holistic doctor said that she should do the chemo whereas Dr. Mark just has told me to pray and take it day by day. So that is what I have been doing. Good advice I think. Kim was stage 1 – 2 and I am stage 3 Her2 positive which is more aggressive and so I started thinking that I might not take some chances and that I really need to keep praying about this. In my heart, then and there, I was more open to chemo and surgery, even though I said I was still thinking about it.

As I was getting ready to go, Todd asked me if I wanted to see pictures of the surgery that he had a nurse take. I of course said yes, and that was an eye opening thing to see.  He explained the surgery and what all the pictures were. I know that God gives me these opportunities to see just a bit of the future to help prepare me.  I am so appreciative of them allowing me to visit and learn and see those pictures even if it was difficult to see.

As I was leaving I asked if I could pray for them; at that point I put my hand over there entwined hands and just starting to pray. I had tears and a rasping hold it back sound in my throat. I praed what most of you would have and I prayed at the end that she would never have cancer return and that she’d live a very long time. At the end I was pulling my hand away and Todd grabbed it and said now we want to pray for you. He prayed and said that he hoped I would live to be able to have a long life and see my grandchildren. Oh my goodness, that was so emotional for me.  I said good bye and tried to contain all the strong and heavily charged emotions I was feeling.

They will never know how sweet that experience was for me and how much I appreciate their generosity and them allowing God to use them and their situation for my benefit.  I will never forget that day. Please put Kim on you prayer list and pray for her. I will see if she got the yellow roses the nurses wouldn't allow in ICU and if I can post her caring bridge information for you to read.
I had my shot and felt pain in my legs mostly and I was tired and so I stayed in bed the majority of the rest of the day.  Mark helped out a lot as usual, especially when I am worn down or in pain. He made me dinner (veggies of course); he cooked dinner for the kids, bathed the little boys, said prayer and got them off to bed. He then went to the grocery store to get things for lunches for CC today. I have such a great hubby. I just wish he could have stayed and visited with me; that just doesn’t work often, as he is doing so much to take care of the house and kids on those days when I am not myself.

So I am off to CC in just a few hours and I will have to pace myself. Last Friday we had classes I came in and crashed, because I was so very tired. I love the community and the support I get from everyone. My favorite part of CC is seeing the kids and knowing my kids are happy to see their friends and tutors.

That’s it for today. Have a great weekend! Saturday at 1:00 is the Burzynski movie showing at my house if you want to come. This will be very casual.

Karri