REST - August 27, 2012

We are going to have some major changes in life starting today.  We have all had our share of bit life issues, job changes, moves, new babies brought into the families, etc., and research shows that stress levels go up when you have one or more of these at the same time. This week marks four major things happening at the same time for us.

1. In two weeks we have the start of the Covenant program for our two eldest girls with me as the founder and director.

2.  Also at the same time, we have the start of the GIFT (God – centered Instruction by Families Together) program with me as the creator and director.

3. The start of public school for three middle children starts today

 4. The whole cancer situation - starting a new plan to prevent metastases.  I’ll probably start a new diet and exercise program.  I am also going to look into a sleep study and figuring this out since I am now getting around 4 hours a night and things seem to be getting worse.

 I am ready for the Christmas break at this time and we have not even started school yet.

I am concerned about our almost 3 year old not having his siblings to play with during the day and possibly not getting him into a mother’s day out program. I am concerned about negative influences at public school, in fact that is one major reason why we pulled our daughter out of public school 10 ½ year ago. I am concerned about the workload my eldest girls will be getting in their new school as they are taking six rigorous classes that at are easily AP classes in a public school. I am concerned about the schedule changes and family dynamics changing. I am praying.

 Where am I on the cancer front? Well, there is a man that I highly respect and I am going to try to meet with him to discuss the faith side of my healing. I have always been frustrated with people when they make a decision and then they say “Oh well I’m going to pray to go to see if this decision was right the first time.” It always seems like a major lack of faith to say “ God, Where do you want me?” to get the answer and then move on it and then continue to keep going back to God for the okay and peace which you already received.  If you get the peace and the confirmations and you rest in your decision just to turn around say “Is this right?,  or “Am I doing what I should be?” and keep questioning are you really resting in that faith? Of course, our prayer should be consistent and if we hear from the Lord to move from our path then we should change directions. However, when I sit in a chair I don’t get up every other minute to check if all four legs are still there and wonder if I made the right decision to sit in the chair.  I believe we have to really rest in our faith in the Lord and his plans for us to truly receive the full blessings as we strive to carry out His will.

So, this is where I am with cancer. If I believe and trust in my healing of my cancer then why would I continue to go to Illinois to see if the cancer has come back or grown? Do I truly believe it or am I second-guessing it? I know that is what the doctor’s want me to do, but are these doctors’ men of faith? I am not sure.

Is my faith, like that of a child?   Will I be one that takes the gift of healing from the Lord just to give it back in disbelief? I don’t want to be that woman! I don’t want to be continually looking over my shoulder wondering if I’ll be alive five years from now and second-guessing our decisions.  I want to move from this place of what ifs? and should I’s to the place where I am completely 110% confident in the Lord’s will in my life and the direction he has us.

 I have been frustrated as people have signed up for things with my programs and then change their mind  either quickly or after some time and I wonder how is it that you prayed for it, had peace and now you are changing your mind before even doing what you signed up for? How does this happen so much in our world? Does  anyone in our society truly ever rest in the Lord and the place He leads us to?  Why is there so much second-guessing and wondering? I think this is a great scheme of Satan’s. I think he wants everyone to feel as though we are sitting on unstable untrustworthy chairs all the time and he gets us thinking negative what if’s? and keeping so busy we have no time to rest.

I really want rest in all areas right now. I want to have physical rest. I want to sleep a whole night through and be able to wake up rested and refreshed and ready to tackle the day. I want emotional rest, the kind of rest where I am not on edge and feeling so much pressure and stress. I want spiritual rest. I want to rest in the Lord and His divine providence for my life. I want to rest in my healing and being cancer -free and go on and hopefully live for another 40 plus years.

Anyway, speaking of all this rest, please pray for Hannah who has had a cough for a week now. I took her to the doctor on Thursday and they said she was fine and not contagious, but she is up coughing and it’s 4 am! The girl needs to get her rest.

I guess that’s it for now. I have to make 8 lunches in a couple hours and get everyone up and out to our places. The GIFT planning meeting day is today and Harrison’s 8th birthday is today as well.  I am sure he will be a hit in bringing brownies for his birthday to the first day of school.

Thanks for all of your prayers.

Karri

BTW – I never proof read these posts and check the spelling and punctuation. It’s usually early and I don’t want to spend the time so grace is requested in this obvious area of need.