I start this day's post by talking about death as that is what is on my mind. I went to see Dr. Hopkins’s yesterday and skipping over the bulk of the visit I will concentrate this post on a small part of the office visit.
After I had met with the doctor, I went to have an ionic foot bath with
minerals and such and to get cold laser light therapy done for sleep which
obviously didn’t work as well as I had hoped considering it’s 3:15 a.m. and I
have been up since 1:15! Frustrating! Anyways, he had a new girl working there
and she said she had just graduated from chiropractic school and would be
helping Dr. Mark out. She said she had worked there shadowing him 3 plus years
earlier and then decided to pursue the same fields of interest that he did.
During the visit which Bobbie drove me to, this new doctor mentioned that the
reason she was there is because her aunt had the same type of aggressive cancer
I have; Stage 3 – Her 2 positive and that she was diagnosed at age 29 and she
died at age 35. This woman had done everything by the book according to MD
Anderson – the chemo, the surgery, radiation, etc. and she ended up having the
cancer metastasize and then she got very sick and ended up losing weight,
having to be in a wheelchair, etc. and she was described now by her niece as
“not even being my aunt anymore towards the end”. It was a difficult situation
and you could hear it in her voice.
Well yesterday, I was on a cancer support group that I have been a
part of for a few weeks and I was having a conversation with a woman similar to
this story and the group is riddled with similar stories. I am actually cutting
and pasting it here so you can see what I see and hear often.
I was diagnosed in 2003 with breast cancer at the time
stage 2, after treatment and 5 years of remission, in 2011 I have now been
diagnosed with metastasis in bone cancer, and now it has spread to the lining
of the lung, with 2 small nodes in the lung, my treatment s currently hormone
receptive treatment, and bone strengthening treatment, so far doing okay, have
my moments but keeping strong in the mind anxiety is big but trying to work on
that too, pain has it peaks too, but ideas would be great to have on better
management other than mediations.
So my point is that it doesn’t matter what I do, there is still a
chance that I will have reoccurrence or metastasizing (spreading) of the cancer
to another place in my body, usually the bone, brain, liver or kidney. So whether
or not I do chemo or holistic or whatever, faith and trust in the Lord and his
plan for my life and timing for my death even have to be central to everything.
BTW – there is also the chance of a miracle and complete healing too.
Sat. morning.
Anyways, I am not scared about dying, that’s really no big deal to
me as I am saved by the blood of Jesus and I know I will be heading home to my
Father in heaven when the time comes, whether I am 41 or 91. The thing that
makes me a bit sad here and there is thinking about death (which is very rare) and
my leaving my husband and children. Of course that would be sad and difficult for
me and everyone close to me. All along that has really been my only real
sadness when thinking that way, but the idea of the possibility of a slow
painful death was a new thought on Thursday.
Last night I was in bed watching 15 minutes of TV before going to
sleep and there was a show called My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding which is on some
cable channel. Anyways it follows Irish travelers and one of the girls (age 15)
that was getting married was talking about how she would be sad on her wedding
day as her mother recently died from cancer. Hope was at the end of the bed and
we were getting ready for our camping trip and she saw that part of the
show. We didn’t talk about it and I don’t
want to.
Later Mark and I had a chance to have alone time which is sometimes
difficult around here; in fact kids kept occasionally knocking on the locked
door and we kept saying “Go to bed!” which of course we had already put them in
bed and said prayers and everything and so this was after the fact. Mark listened
to me talk about these things and he said “Ya got to have faith honey”. So
anyways I started this on Thursday night at around 2 a.m. and I am finishing it
around 7:30 a.m. Saturday, and even in between this time frame I am feeling
better. I am not worried or stressed – at least not too much. I have a lot on
my plate besides cancer and I think this will be our busiest summer ever.
I finish this post with a song that talks about death. If I die young. i am also including the last part of the song lyrics.
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls
Karri
I am praying for a miracle and your ministry along the way. I am also a homeschool mom. My husband fought and beat both leukemia and lymphoma last year. Press on and know the Lord is the Great Physician!
ReplyDeleteMonica
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