Chemo Decisions - Feb 28, 2012

We watched the Burzynski Movie.  It was good to see, although afterwards you are no doubt left to feel a bit frustrated since the FDA won’t approve something that works. Burzynski has and does cure cancer but has to do it privately, which means most people, like us, can’t afford him. I haven’t verified it but I was told that just the first visit costs $3000! Crazy!

I had chemo yesterday, and it hit me harder that most and I guess that’s because there was only 5 days in-between chemo rounds. I am switching to Monday’s since that way I can do a better job at CC on Friday’s.  Yesterday, I had some chest pain and my throat felt a bit weird when I stood up to go to the bathroom. The doctor came over and checked on me and told me to make another appointment with the cardiologist since they want another EKG. How crazy is it that I am pumping my body full of toxins that can interrupt and strain my heart?  It just still doesn’t make sense to me. I feel great when I leave my holistic doctor and I feel bad when I leave the cardiologist. It’s just common sense. I think this is crazy! If it were a restaurant for instance, and I didn’t like the food, I wouldn’t go back, however there is still that fear factor of what  if I don’t do this? Then that thought goes to Jesus and I think he is a God that is bigger than anything and He is for me and I do not need to be afraid. I wish I was resolve one way or the other, but it’s not where I am. I am always one to question things and so chemo no doubt wouldn’t be any exception either, however I want to be off the fence and settled in the future decisions. Perhaps God is happy with me talking it day by day though instead of planning it all out at this point. Besides tomorrow has enough worries of its own. I am certain no matter what, that I will be just fine and that I am safe in God hands.

My friend Kristen Alexander came and picked me up and brought me home. I was happy to see 3 of my kiddos that had been camping with Grandparents, but I was tired and headed for bed. While Kristen watched kids, I visited with Monica, another friend that had Harrison and Hudson for the day and then I went to sleep for a couple hours. The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.  It was nice to have the whole family together again for the first time since Friday night. I don't know what I would do without the help we are getting from friends and family. Oh ya, FYI we changed the care calendar around a bit, to refect the changes to the schedules and needs.

I called MD Anderson again, and this time to the office in Katy. I was told I could get in within 3 days. I have to call back with the new insurance info, since Mark’s office is switching over to Blue Cross Blue Shield on Thursday.

My frustration with cancer is the time and energy it takes.  This isn’t too bad at this stage (now to the next 6 weeks) but I still hate to stop my usual activities for doctor’s appointments, second opinions, chemo and all.  The next course, if I stay with this oncologist is chemo every 3 weeks instead of weekly but at a much higher dose. It is so toxic that if they gave it to you weekly you would die. The next phase is called the Red Devil for short and Christians say to think of the blood of Jesus as you see it pump into your body.  When you get the next phase the doctor prescribes you 5 pain meds and 4 anti nausea meds and says expect to be down for 5 days. Seriously 5 days? My biggest concerns are pain and kids. What am I supposed to do with the kids? I just want it all to be over so I can move on with my life a bit easier.

Sebastian our cute kitty sits in my laps as I type and it’s nice to have him purr and look up at me.

The house is clean again and that feels great, especially coming home from chemo.

I am working toward getting a new school program up and running next year and I am super excited about that and so that is good for me. It keeps me going to be passionate and active. Our first meeting is on Tuesday which wasn’t such a smart date to plan for especially now with the chemo and shot dates changing that will be my worst day.

Today we have dentist appointments, errands and schoolwork to try to get to. I always feel like I am playing catch up. Perhaps that’s why I get up at 4:30.

Blessings,

Karri